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[fic] ; Wow Is This a Sitcom or What? (AU)
purple kak
Title: Wow Is This a Sitcom or What?
Character(s): Dean Argyris, Jason Todd, Dick Grayson, Roy Harper, Lian Harper, Miri Grant, Alex Quinn
Pairing(s): Dean/Jason, Dick/Alex, Roy/Miri
Word Count: 1200
Rating: PG-13/R-ish
Disclaimer: DC owns anything recognizable. Dean's my loser baby. Miri is Daz's. Alex is Lady's.
Warnings: none
Author's Note/Timeline: a DC AU has already happened oops.
Summary: just some cute stuff w/ the couples of this au nothing to see here


When he came home after the shoot, Jason was already asleep. Sprawled out on the stomach with the sheets halfway pulled on the small of his back. He kept quiet, not wanting to wake him. Habits were hard to shake and his boyfriend’s nocturnal state was the hardest. When he was actually asleep was a comfort to him.

His dick, apparently, didn’t agree since the moment he finished washing the makeup and other men’s sweat off of him, it began twitching to attention at the sight of Jason’s prone form. He snuck up to him and began slapping his palms down on his rear to make a beat.

“One, two--uh! My baby don’t mess around because he loves me so and this I know for suuuure!” he sang loudly, knowing that out of the many talents he had, singing was not one of them.

Jason snorted in through his nose and awoke. He lifted his upper half up from the bed and twisted his neck to look over his shoulder.

“Are you playing bongos on my ass?” he asked in a voice still clogged with sleep.

“Yes I am.”

Jason regarded him for a minute but then, in one fluid motion, leapt from his spot on the bed to tackle Dean down to the carpeted floor and pin him there.

“Get off!” he whined. “You’re like fifty pounds heavier than me!”

“I thought you liked it when I’d lie on top you,” he shot back, grinning wolfishly.

Dean wriggled and pouted up at him.

“Not like this.”

Jason shifted himself so he was seated, his legs straddling either side of Dean.

“Like this?” he asked, cocking his head to the side and smirking.

Dean shook his head. “Not quite.”

Jason leaned back and opened the door to the night stand. He rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. Carefully, he coated Dean’s cock with lube and then sat on it. Dean arched his hips up a little and grinned at him.

“How about this?”

“Yep. That’ll do.”


Miri thought that she would find Roy at Dean’s place. He was sprawled out on the couch armed with a laptop. Jason wasn’t far from him with a laptop of his own. Dick completed the strange triad and was sprawled in their new recliner, clicking furiously while he stared at the computer screen with serious intent.

She cocked a brow and turned to Dean who was coloring with Lian at the coffee table.

“What are they doing?”

“Flight Rising,” he replied. “It’s this dragon-based pet game. Apparently Jason needs it for his insomnia now that he’s not shooting people. And he got these two hooked on it.”

Lian looked up from her coloring book and nodded solemnly. Miri shook her head and went to where Roy was. She shook his socked foot for his attention but got no response.

“Roy? I’m back. Roy?”

From his spot on the floor, Dean shook his head.

“Distracting them is impossible. Watch...Lian go in our room for a sec.”

She giggled knowingly but scurried off into the bedroom Dean and Jason shared. He put down his crayons and went to where Jason was sitting opposite lengthwise to Roy.

“Hey…” He bent down and started nosing Jason’s crotch. “Hey, Jason. Jason.”

He started kissing up his stomach, up to where the laptop rested on it. When the tip of his nose reached the back of the laptop, he pulled back.

“See? Nothing.”

Miri looked back at Roy who hadn’t even acknowledged her.

“Lian!” Dean called. “You can come back now.”

When the little girl returned, Miri joined them on the floor.

“Can you pass me the blue crayon?” she asked.


“This is nice,” Roy said and that was all.

Miri glanced at him from the corner of her eye trying to see how much of an act he was putting on. Lian was glancing at him similarly which let her deduce that the five-year-old was as hip to her dad’s crapola as anyone else.

“You sure? You sure it doesn’t bring back memories?”

“Of course it does. Everything brings back memories.” Roy shrugged. “It’s not...necessarily bad memories. But. Memories. Of who I was before.”

He put his hand on Lian’s ponytailed head and smiled down at her.

“Of Speedy or…?” She was treading in unsafe waters. Needle-teethed shark were beginning to circle.


She nodded like she understood but she didn’t really. There was a lot of Roy’s life, his personal life, that he never shared with her. Dean thought it was bad dating someone who constantly thought about their own death but at least Jason talked about it. At least he got mad. Roy so often gave her nothing.

“But...this city...it’s also kind of a reminder...or something.” He gave her a lopsided smile. “A reminder that I’m not just Green Arrow’s junkie former sidekick. I’m a father. A hero...and a boyfriend. If kind of a crappy one.”

Miri rolled her eyes and bucked him with her hip. She didn’t say anything but she didn’t think he wanted her to.


Alex entered the restaurant, feeling rather sheepish. Dean was there, making rollups at one of the unoccupied booths. She sat across from him and folded her hands. His eyebrows went up, which meant he knew she was there but he didn’t acknowledge her otherwise.

“Dean? Can we talk?”

He didn’t answer at first. Just kept rolling silverware and adding it to the pile to his left. Alex impatiently drummed her fingers on the table.

“I’m listening,” he said finally. “Talk.”

She sighed and carded her fingers through her hair.

“I’m sorry. About how I went off on you the other night...I mean, I was drunk but that was no excuse to…”

“Storm into my apartment and yell about how it’s somehow my fault your boyfriend wants to do me?”

“Essentially...I know it’s not your fault, Dean. It’s just...hard. I think I might love Dick and that he’s only with me as a distraction…”

Dean folded the last linen around the last set of utensils and looked up, his gray-green eyes probing.

“Look. A lot of people want my fine Greek ass. Dick is among a long list of men and women. But he doesn’t just want me. He obviously wants you. He just...Dick only wants me because I’m with Jason. He doesn’t realize it but that’s the case. They’re brothers. They’re inherently jealous of each other. Just like Jason is jealous of Dick’s relationship with Donna. Dick does like you, hell he may even love you--I don’t know; I can’t read minds--but he’s hung up on me because Bruce Wayne fucks up his children in terrible, awful ways. You just have to...talk to him about it. Dick, at least, will open a dialogue.”

Alex stared at him, surprised that the words came out of his mouth. Dean seemed more like sex-starved, spacey surfer than anything else.

“Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

Dean reached down to the booth next to him and pulled out a tub full of more linens and utensils.

“Here. Help me roll these.”

Alex nodded gratefully.

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i agree with Daz. i kind of want to see the fight between Alex and Dean. i'm sure that was fun if she was tanked. girl can have a wicked tongue on her if the need arises.

i do so enjoy the normalcy of these snippets. i mean, i don't know what you've got planned for this 'verse, but i like that this is just them being normal people. excellent work.

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